Addict since the age of 7

This addiction has followed me for 13 years. I heard the word masturbation in a song, asked my dad what it was and he told me. That's when it started. After I discovered masturbation I turned my attention to porn. I slowly stopped doing normal kid things and eventually porn consumed me. My views and relationships with women plummeted, again I was only 7 so critical thinking wasn't my strong suit. I seen these women doing these things online and these fake depictions eventually crossed into reality. I became utterly terrified of talking to women because all my thoughts about them were purely sexual and that amplified my fear of rejection tenfold. I couldn't just talk to them like friends because in my mind they were judging me on my looks.That superficial porn world warped my growing mind. As with any addiction time made it worse. Normal porn wasn't enough, I began to seek higher extremes to satisfy my addiction, things that I would never do personally. My sexual energy became a monster, one that overpowered and controlled me in my teenage years. I started off with just normal sex, then as my addiction grew I moved to BDSM. When BDSM wasn't enough I moved to hentai. Hentai's only limit is your imagination, that's what makes it so dangerous. In the search for something new I ended up stumbling upon lolicon. I want to say this now, I would never and have never thought about touching an actual child. Lolicon gave me that new high I needed.I didn't let it get past that. After a few lolicon videos I took a long hard look at myself. I stopped justifying my actions, I knew there was a disconnect somewhere and I knew I had to fix it. This happened about 7 months ago. Progress has been slow and as time goes on I only feel more and more shame for it. This shame means I am finally accepting the things I've done, even if I've never hurt anyone I know how wrong some of the extremes I went to were. You never notice it, but the more familiar you get with porn the more disconnected you get from reality. This disconnect happened very early for me, too early and has caused a plethora of problems in my life that I am only just now getting around to cleaning up.The regret will never fade, but whoever says regret is bad is wrong. Feeling nothing is bad. Ignoring the lines you're crossing so you can get your high is wrong. Regret is reality. It is the realization that you've done wrong and it is the thing that keeps you from doing the same thing over again. Letting regret control your life isn't the answer, don't spend all your time thinking about the things you've done, focus on progress and if the memory pops into your head acknowledge the pain you feel, then move your thoughts to bettering yourself. via /r/PornAddiction

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