I am addicted to porn and masturbation


I masturbate watching porn even though I have been a friar for four years and a half.I always make the same searches: “asian amateur teen masturbation webcam” or “japanese girlfriend handjob”, or similar.Deeply down inside myself I know I hope to stumble upon underage girls sex porn. Iʼm always hooked up when I find schoolgirls having sex videos.I discovered r/gonewild18 on Reddit and I canʼt stay away from it.I also search “hentai handjob comic” and quickly browse through tons of hentai comics, often involving children or underage characters. Sometimes regarding brother-sister incest. I manage to stay away from mother-son themed ones, even though Iʼm attracted to them.I watched a lot of massage parlor happy ending videos. I search “vagina” on Youtube or Pinterest. Sometimes I also searched “penis”.I had porn addiction before starting to believe in God. When I started to believe, I gave away my internet connection and after a while I entered a friary. Then, after four years of not even a bad though, I started masturbating again only using my imagination. Overwhelmed with guilt, I left the friary, I got myself a smartphone and I dove back into porn addiction.I feel like Iʼm such a failure, because Iʼve seen many times the works of God and his help in my way, and Iʼve met a lot of saintly people who welcomed me like a son or a brother. All this notwithstanding, Iʼm still tangled in the sins I used to do in the past. I confessed to a priest about 40 times in one year. Always to a different priest. Theyʼve always been kind and generous, except a monk on Christmasʼ Eve who was particularly harsh about thinking only about myself and not giving. I feel like I canʼt live without sexual contents in my life, and Iʼm sure that if I donʼt stop I will definitely go to hell. [Remorse] via /r/confession https://ift.tt/2qQbb1z

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