Third Post

Friday. It is the best day of the week.I often wonder whether it would be better to simply never have had to struggle with this addiction. I wonder what my teenage years would have been like if I had not discovered these evil things and made them a habit I could not quit. I would have been purer, more innocent, and mentally and physically healthier. Those are things I wish I could have had.And now that the perversion has been planted in my mind, I have to be forbearing and patient, control my thoughts about beautiful women, avoid looking at them. Spending time with them, I have found, does not make me feel dark urges but rather has a calming effect on me. This might sound pretentious, but I honestly believe that I am a harmless guy. The most harm I do is generally to myself by lack of discipline and by constantly berating myself for my weaknesses. Some men are a liability around women, and some are not. I am convinced that I am in the latter category. I think I am harmless to them.I do not think I am capable of committing zina - I have way too much pity for girls, these days. Yes, you could say that I used to view pornography so why didn't your compassion stop you then? Well, to be fairly honest, I did not watch pornography with actual people. If I ever did, I would generally be consumed by sorrow for the actresses (never the actors, for some reason) in the videos. I actually used to view pornographic art, hentai, whatever it is classed as. I think that because the women in that kind of erotica are just figments of a person's imagination, I experienced an emotional disconnect from them and this disconnect allowed me to justify in my mind all the perverse sexual scenarios in which they were depicted in the art.Anyway. Maybe if I were not being tested, life would be less exciting? Less rewarding somehow? I don't know. Are the innocent the better people? They are purer people, yes. But are they stronger than those who have vices and get up every day and suppress them? This is beginning to get quite philosophical and also quite confusing, so I will leave it at that. Till tomorrow, brothers. Respect the women in your lives and protect them from bad men.Salaam.Salaam via /r/MuslimNoFap

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