176 days without wet dreams...Some serious and painful realizations (NSFW)


Notice to mods: I used the NSFW feature to hide some parts of the post, but it didnot come out right..It works fine on NoFap subreddit though....This will be my last post here till 1st of October, will keep commenting on the subreddit though..am 170+ days into my streak without wet dreams.....my problem is sometimes anger as well as sometimes intense craving of both maternal energy and feminine sexual energy from desirable women ...I had this craving throughout my life, only in the past few months I have realized that this craving had become an integral part of my life over couple of decades without me ever realizing it...I could make the realization because finally I was not seeing porn, edging,peeking for several months and knew that there were some intense atypical sexual longings in me that were being completely generated internally....It's as if I wanted to be lovingly cuddled and kissed on the forehead by my hypothetical voluptuous sexual partner as if I am her only son, but still I should be free to sexually explore her whenever I get sexual urges..A kind of motherly waifu in anime/hentai terms if you will..I almost never would be aroused by the general "slam,bam Thank You Maam" style of normal porn even from the very beginning of my porn seeing career....Needless to say when I forced my full waking consciousness to confront these feelings I became heavily distressed and distraught, but I didnot budge...and in the end I found out the reasons which could fully explain the situation and also could bring closure....After that I almost never had these intense longings anymore, and I am very much content in being a solitary man onwards to complete the rest 11.5 years of my unbroken celibate semen retention journey...The reasons were:I never really received the required maternal energy from my motherMy mother was slightly autistic, which led to serious autism in me (high functioning)..since this being genetic, no one is to blameMy mother never really respected my father for whatever he achieved in lifeShe failed to be the rock from which my father could draw sustenance to fight his battles in the world, build a super prosperous lifeThe only constant energy that I remember getting from her is that of academic pressure and anxiety, lest I become a failure in studies...and have to resort to hustling this and that business for my livelihoodThe void of true maternal energy during my childhood and growing up years, led to intense longing for both maternal and feminine sexual energy from hypothetical female partners age of 16 onwards...this was much much before any exposure to pornI have forgiven my mother completely and the slight deep resentment that I had towards her over the years is also gone....She did her very best..and I should admire,love,cherish her for thatI wish I could have completed my self-transformation process before my father passed away suddenly and prematurelyBoth Ancient Literature and modern media hype women up to be the fountains of maternal and feminine energy, when that is clearly not the case....Most women absolutely cannot hold up to that model and should not be blamed for that..Men should be made aware of that.....At best 25% of the women can be those motherly waifus, and society has done women a thorough disservice by demanding such superhuman level affection abilities from all womenMen need to take off their rose tinted goggles and accept that most women are incapable of pouring out those superhuman levels of maternal and sexual energy even if they were to be paired up with billionaire alphasWe need to treat men and women the way you used to treat them in pre-teen days "Just one of us without any sexual distinction"This way men would also save themselves from a world of hurt...Men become terribly distraught when the ideal woman with whom they were in an absolute wonderful relationship start disrespecting them, start to cut them down and eventually break up with themPersonally I am on a 12 year journey (170+ days into it), and slowly raising my sexual energy from engorged genital area..after a lot of noting mindfulness, eschewing of sexual thoughts, certain visualizations , I can feel my sexual energy is now residing somewhere below my navel area and above my balls..eventually I want to raise that energy up to my brain over the course of several yearsNever expect any help or understanding from women when you are in the process of transforming your life from a nobody to somebody extremely successful and competent...Those women may be your mother, wife, girlfriend, sleeping buddies etc...but donot expect any iota of understanding from them ....Women just donot understand and are not interested in the internal alchemical processes by which a man transforms himself from a flyweight to a Super Heavyweight in terms of worldly power ........This is why also there are very few females who can raise themselves up from a nobody to being the best in the world..the only exception is JK Rowling who went from being on benefits to being a billionaire (may be Oprah and Ronda Rousey)..most women who are successful are already genetically predisposed to be so.. (higher IQ, higher Testosterone and stamina than other women)...The only four things you can rely on are your sexual energy, mental energy, physical energy and spiritual energy..they are like the four pillars on which you build your house...and you will not get anywhere before damming and cultivating your sexual energy....then you will through the insights of your spiritual energy understand how to cultivate your mental energy (Extreme NoSurf + Coding/studying/etc.) as well as physical energy (200+ daily push ups, but not too much gym lest you have less time and energy for your coding/studies)....A woman can in no way add to that process....the whole thing is and has to be self built.....A woman is only interested in using her mystical feminine energy to enter into a long term relationship with you once you have achieved everything....I fail to see how is that in anyway advantageous to a man ...Yes , sexual relations with a desirable woman is veritable heaven on Earth..I would be the first one to acknowledge that...but the price you pay in terms of lost erection heat ,which is concentrated spiritual energy, and seminal fluid (accidental ejaculation or retrograde ejaculation during non-ejaculatory sex) is just not worth it in my IMHOI put myself in a state of vulnerability to write this post..gave my all to it...hope you find some value in it...have a good day, and the most amazing and productive of semen retention journeys via /r/Semenretention https://ift.tt/2Ib6o5x

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