I have a dd/lg kink and it makes me worry that I'm a pedophile


Basically this whole post can be summed up by the title.So I'm a girl in college, if that matters at all. What I think definitely matters is that I have a lot of anxiety about a lot of stupid things, and I think that's what's contributing to this. For example, I get really scared in social situations sometimes and tend to ruminate on the times I mess up for months on end. It makes it harder to look at things objectively, because I'm not sure when something is just stupid anxiety and when it's an actual problem I need to fix. This is one of those times when I want something to be the anxiety, because if it's anxiety then it means I don't have a problem.I largely think that this might be the anxiety, but I feel like posting on here so I can get some objective opinions that aren't in my overly anxious head. I'm also scared of what other people might tell me, because if they say that I'm a pedophile then I probably am and I don't want to be. I don't want to hurt children, I don't want to hurt anybody.So, like the post says I have a dd/lg kink, which is short for daddy dom/little girl. I've never had the chance to actually act out my fantasies, so a lot of it is just in the porn I like to watch. Which I think might be part of the problem.This is the part that scares me to write: I look at hentai a lot of the time because it depicts this kink in a way that really appeals to me. It's all text, so I don't have to wade through the mountains of men yelling at women and going overboard, hurting them in the process (I know it's all fake and they're consenting actors, but I still don't want to watch it). It also has the added benefits of not being made by companies with really sketchy, exploitative policies.The thing is: I specifically like to look at loli and shota type stuff. I don't think I like it because they look like kids. I think it's that they actually look like they're enjoying it, which is less common in other genres. I also sort of like to imagine myself as them. Not as a child, but as a younger (like, maybe late teens) version of myself in their situation.Now, a lot of people consider people to be pedophiles if they look at this kind of stuff. That's what has me worried. I'm terrified that because I look at this stuff, it means that I'm a pedophile, and that means I might hurt someone's kids one day.I'm not sure if the reason why I look at it makes any difference. Just the fact that I do seems like it's enough. Because people say that regardless of the reasons, they're still drawings of kids.Then again, other people say that they're just drawings and it shouldn't matter. But I feel like just the fact that I've looked at them and felt aroused means that I might one day feel the same way towards real children. Like I'm on a slippery slope I could slide down at any moment. I don't know who to believe and everyone feels so strongly on it.I've never actually looked at children in a sexual way, but because of this developing anxiety, I'm scared that I might. When I'm around them, I overanalyze my thoughts and wonder if the ones I'm having are overly sexual and I just feel gross about myself because of it.People already think of the dd/lg kink as creepy, some even go as far to say it's already pedophilia. Now I'm adding my weird taste in hentai to it and I just feel like I've done something wrong. I feel like I'm a bad person and I need to do something to fix it. I don't know what to do and I don't know how to stop liking this stuff and I don't know how to make the anxiety go away either.I'm just very frustrated and anxious. I know the best thing to do is probably to see a therapist, but I'm really scared that if I do they'll confirm my worst fears. A professional diagnosing me as a pedophile would be the worst thing to ever happen to me, and I'm absolutely terrified that it would happen. via /r/offmychest https://ift.tt/2Ky4pXu

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