Me [22F] breaking up with my boyfriend of 9 months [27M] over his gamer girl “friends”


My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 9 months. He’s my first boyfriend, but he’s been with a lot of other girls before me.He takes a lot of NSFW pictures and videos of us and I let him, but I’ve casually mentioned that sometimes, I wonder if he still has dirty pictures of his exes and it makes me feel anxious. He didn’t say anything to that, just dodged the question. A month later, I snooped because I had a hunch (SO BAD! I felt like the worst and haven't ever snooped again) and found nudes and sex videos of his exes and hook-ups on his computer. It hurt me, because he knew that would bother me, and he didn’t do anything about it. He said it was a chore for him to delete these things, but I guess it wasn’t worth doing it for me. He “deleted” them, but I’m not really sure if he just hid them better this time around, which I'll explain later, is his way of dealing with things I bring up.He also has normal folders of his online female friends who he games with. They’re full of snapchats (SFW) he’s saved and pictures of them. I think he’s been friends with all of them a few months or years before he met me, and he fully supports them by joining their Discord, watching their Twitch streams, and being their mods. The thing is, he had one girl who he said was his “friend” but in his folders, I found videos of her touching herself, posing, and masturbating with a hairbrush. He told me some elaborate story of some guy blackmailing her with the videos and how he sent them to him, but why would he still keep it in a folder along with regular pictures of her, knowing it was something she didn’t want out there and probably doesn’t even know he has? He doesn’t talk to this girl anymore, but it makes me feel wary of his other online gamer girl “friends”.He makes flirty jokes and says things in a suggestive way to his friends, which he’s admitted to me, he thinks is okay. But I don’t think it’s okay and I’ve brought it up to him. Instead of stopping, I think he just hides it better when he thinks I’m not watching their streams. He’ll type in their chat and then immediately hide it and listen to their streams with his headphones in, even though I can obviously hear them… He says he’s never told any girl that he loved them, even though he’s been with so many girls, but I see him openly telling this one girl jokingly that he loves her and that he needs her when she streams. I think that when they come to our city for Twitch Con, he'll hang out with them and just hide it from me.It’s gotten to a point where he’ll check their Discords while we’re cuddling, where he’ll actually stop spending time with me in bed to go sit at his desk to watch them, or play with them for 4 hours at a time, and then only come to me when they’re done streaming or if they’re taking off for the night. We were Googling something on his phone and I saw one of his friend's usernames as a saved search. If he just wanted to watch her Twitch, I don't know why he wouldn't just go to his Twitch app on his phone. He'll wait to leave my place before going to their stream and talk to them. He doesn't do anything to fix problems I bring up, just sweeps them under the rug and hides them from me.Last night, he spent 4 hours playing League with his “friends” but was basically only talking to his one female friend lol. And after she said she was done for the night, he decides to finally text me back and asks if he can come over and spend time with me. It makes me feel like a late night booty call, even though we don’t even have sex unless I initiate it. He used to have a lot of NSFW subreddits open and likes to look at girls and hentai, but for some reason, is always “too tired” to do anything with me because he stays up late to watch Twitch and play games. When we cuddle, he’ll fall asleep within 15 mins and sleep for hours before going home and playing Fortnite (sometimes with one of his female friends, who he constantly checks Discord and Twitch for). He'll call me beautiful and caress my face, but he also says he's a good liar and a manipulator, and I can't help but feel like I'm being played with every time he tells me he loves me.I love him, but I don’t think I’m in love with him anymore because of all the pain he’s caused me over the last few months. Am I just being controlling for wanting him to spend more time with me and a lot less time with them? Is it even reasonable to ask him to cut them out? I’m okay with him being friends with them, but I hate how he still talks suggestively to them, tells them he’ll take care of them and save them during a League game, when he actively ignores my texts and will answer them half-heartedly while he’s playing for hours. Every time I bring it up, he turns it around on me for watching him and only bringing up all the negative things about him. I’ll tell him I’ll stop watching their streams, but I’ll keep watching them because I feel insecure and anxious and don’t know how to bring up his behavior to him because he’ll turn it around on me again.I’m not the best girlfriend for him either, because it makes me want to snoop and check up on it, and it makes me frustrated because I feel like our relationship can never get any farther if I don’t trust him. How do I even bring it up? He says if I give him an ultimatum, he'll never choose me, because ultimatums are not right.TL;DR Don't trust my boyfriend with his online female friends, it's ruining our relationship. I think I still love him, but I'm not sure if this is still worth the effort anymore. via /r/relationships https://ift.tt/2rm5PeL

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