Afraid that I might be trans hoping this is TOCD


Ok so let me give a little backstory. It all started when I watched some hentai that featured gender bending. I thought that i busted a fantastic nut to it.(one of those ones that you remember). Once I was done I started thinking was I gay. This thought kept going on in my head for the next month. I kept looking at gay people and wondering if I was like them and got so relieved when I saw my crush and reassured myself that I like women. So I eventually found out that what I had was called HOCD and that helped a bit, but here I am now thinking that I might be trans.That video made me start imagining myself as the girl in porn. I looked up “sometimes I imagine myself as the girl in porn” which is what sent me down the spiral of thinking I’m trans. That is because the stuff I found was trans people saying that they all do that and stuff. My favorite type of porn is lesbian porn which you can’t really imagine being in it unless u imagine being a girl.So I started reading the symptoms of being trans and very few matched me but most didn’t didn’t. But one thing that stuck was cross dressing. I remembered when I was a kid this one time I dressed up in my sisters hollow web costumes and was very aroused. Also this one time in my beginning teen years as I started watching porn I wore women’s clothes and got aroused again. I don’t know if that’s a blatant sign of being trans or just a fetish. Also the idea of swapping bodies with anyone is arousing to me. But that’s about where the symptoms end. I’m hoping that this is just a fetish because I really do not want to be trans. I have nothing against trans people but I’ve always felt that i could never relate to any of them.So I started to go reading up on trans forums of people like me and all they say is “if you question your gender your trans” and “if you imagine being the girl in porn it’s a sign” and other shit. I’m pretty sure they are trying to pressure normal people to come out. But this just fuels the doubting voice in my head that keeps saying but what if you are trans. I’m afraid that I’m gonna develop dysphoria and actually become trans if I’m not already. I 100% do not want to be trans but I can never find a definite answer to that. I keep searching the same stuff over and over to try and reassure me that I’m not but I keep doubting myself. It’s like a loop every day and I want it to stop.I just want an answer if I’m trans or not. And I would prefer it to be the latter. If you need any more information I would be happy to provide it.(Also I feel like it should be worth noting that I have adhd) via /r/OCD https://ift.tt/2DTsOqd

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