I (23f) found out my niece (14f) is having sex. Do I tell her parents? How?


I should start this off by saying my brother (36) was in the military and met/married his wife in Japan. She already had a daughter (the 14 year old) and they have 2 more younger kids now. They all moved from Japan to the states 4 years ago, and the first 3 years they spent in a different state than the rest of my family. Last year they moved in with my mom and I until they bought a house close by. That was the first time I started to get to know my niece, let’s call her Rocky.Because I’m so much younger than my sibs, when we do family stuff their kids always want to hang out with me, so it was normal when Rocky was always showing me stuff on her phone, pictures of her friends from Japan or her other school in the states or some artwork she had drawn. Then she started showing me all her favorite gay anime characters. At first I assumed that was something kinda normal in Japan so I didn’t think much of it, but the stuff she showed me started getting graphic so I pretty much put an end to that because, ew. I never talked to her parents about it though, I didn’t want to lose her trust and I just didn’t think it was a huge deal.When she started school here in her 8th grade year it was pretty hard for her to make friends. When she finally did start making friends, I kinda wished she hadn’t. The stories she told me about her friends and what they talked about were really weird to me thinking about kids in 8th grade. Most of her friends were guys and were really inappropriate, more so than I remember my guy friends being like at that age, like showing dick picks to each other and her. And the one girl friend she made, she told me that they were friends because they both like to watch gay porn. Wtf?! But again I didn’t say anything to her parents because I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and I remember what it’s like to be in middle school and not know who you are yet or how to relate to people.Also in 8th grade, she met a boy and they started hanging out all the time. At first it was cute because he seemed like a really nice kid, always yes ma’am and no ma’am and trying to make small talk when adults were in the room, he just seemed super polite. Then he got kicked out of school for bringing a “kill list” of students and teachers he wanted to die. So that kinda squashed any hope we had of him being normal. My brother and his wife really like the kid and his parents though so they didn’t try to stop Rocky from seeing him. They still are together all the time, he comes to our family stuff and holidays and he even lives in my neighborhood so they see each other outside of school really often. I think she goes to his house after school every day until her mom gets off work and can pick her up. Basically they spend a ton of time together. I noticed them being really touchy-feely, all over each other all the time over this summer. My mom mentioned something to my brother about them being so close and he got really defensive and said if anything happened, they would just make her get an abortion. He pretty much made it clear that he took it as an affront to their parenting than genuine concern for my niece (which it was.) This was before her freshman year even started.Fast forward to this past weekend, my brother and his wife went out of town so my mom watched their kids all weekend. On Sunday, I came over to help my mom and started talking to Rocky. Her bf had been there the night before and they were making my mom uncomfortable (she caught them watching Hentai together. I shit you not) Rocky was annoyed and venting and it just made me realize how normal she thinks everything with her boyfriend is when to me it’s waaayyyy too soon for all of this. I pretty much can tell that they’re having sex, so I said something like “Rocky, I hope you’re being careful” and the look she gave me said she knew exactly what I meant. She basically told me no they aren’t being careful, that she thinks about it but they’re too lazy. I gave her a mini lecture but at the same time I was trying to avoid 100% confirmation that we were talking about sex and condoms. So everything was pretty vague. I know now that was probably the best time for me to talk to her and I missed it because I didn’t know how to have the conversation.I’m not trying to come off as Judgy McJudgerson, I lost my virginity my freshman year to my boyfriend of almost 10 years now, and if that’s what is gonna happen with them great. If they break up, okay. I know everybody has their own kinks and that’s cool, I just am worried that she’s going to get pregnant, or that her moving so fast now is going to warp her “normal” for relationships when she gets older.The tricky part about this whole thing is really her parents. My brother has severe PTSD and is addicted to video games, as in plays like 12+ hours a day. His wife is understandably frustrated by this and got a job so she would have something to do, so she’s not at home much and when she is she’s focused on the younger kids. It’s hard to talk to my brother about anything because of his military life he either takes everything SO serious and gets really intense, or brushes things under the rug because he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. His wife gets really upset when anything comes up about her as a parent, especially when he tries to tell her anything about Rocky, who isn’t his bio-daughter.I think writing this post made me realize that talking to my brother and his wife isn’t going to do anything except stir up family trouble. I guess I need help figuring out how to address this with my niece and her boyfriend. I know they respect me and will listen to what I have to say, but other than telling them to use condoms and talking about babies, I’m not really sure how to convey the seriousness of everything they’re doing. Do I even address the porn thing?! Any help or advice would be really appreciatedTLDR: My 14 y/o niece pretty much admitted to me that she’s having unprotected sex. What do I do? via /r/relationship_advice https://ift.tt/2RSGPY7

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