I don’t know what to do in my relationship anymore

I made a reddit because I wanted to check out subreddits and I don’t have any other place to go for advice or to just rant. I’m never able to let it out. I just feel so alone and insane as I write this. My bf and I have been together for almost 3 years. To summarize our relationship it has been so good and so bad. When we first got together he told me about his porn addiction and how he had erectile disfunction because of it, but eventually we were able to have sex. After a year of me motivating him and him supposedly not doing it anymore and using reddits nofap page he was doing better, but found out that was a lie. My trust was broken and I started to become very insecure and angry about it. He had many other issues too with his temper which affected me as well, and you might think why did I stick around, but well I fell in love and wanted to help him get through it. He got therapy after a year and a half, his temper and relapsing on porn got better. 2018 starts he is a different person, still struggling with his addiction, but getting better (except I turned into an insecure mess and hate my body). When we had a serious talk about stuff of our relationship trying to mend all the resentment I have for him he admitted he cheated on me with ex at the beginning of our relationship only once and he said two weeks in our relationship, I felt broken. He also admitted to messaging a girl complimenting her but that was all, and he said he admitted these things because he wanted to be honest with me because he wants a future with me (gee thanks for being honest after 2 years) so I took a break, but chose to come back because I invested so much in this relationship so many feelings so much love I have for him despite everything. Fast forward to me now typing this, is him asking me for a break because his temper has been a bit off again and his urges have been bad and wants to get better for me and also because I’ve been terribly insecure and need so much reassurance that I need time on my own to work on it. I didn’t take this break well I snooped which I hate myself for and he started sending anime girl gifs (which is what he is into and I hate) to his friends and I confronted him and he says who cares we’re on a break and to find those gifs he searches hentai and he lied to me saying no and that he hasn’t looked at it or relapsed again a lie. The bf that had changed is back to his old self and I am going insane at the fact that I can’t take this anymore. As I read this I sound so ridiculous for wanting to stay, but I want this relationship I really love him, and even though I believe him when he says he loves me so many things that have happened before and currently I feel I have been with a stranger. I don’t know what I want to accomplish with this post, maybe the reassurance I always crave, maybe solutions to all this, maybe nothing but just let it out of my chest I don’t know. Dealing with everything my boyfriend did and trying to forgive, dealing with other stresses in my life which are too many, I just need him to be there for me like I was for him. I don’t know what to do. via /r/offmychest https://ift.tt/2DLzuHd

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