I finally worked up the courage to ask my crush out and I found out she she’s a Lesbian. Now I think things are awkward between us.

Hey all. This is my first ever post on reddit. I’ve mostly just used this account to lurk and find good hentai to distract me from the shitshow my life is.Now for a little backstory on me and this girl’s relationship.I met her at the beginning of 7th Grade. (September 2015) and I’ve liked her ever since. Whenever I see a cute girl I always think to myself “wow, that girl is really cute!” and am probably attracted to her, but I think that relationships solely based on looks or before both partners are mature enough are extremely dumb, so I’d never actually want to date any of them unless I got to know them better and shared things in common with them. This girl, who I’ll call Sadie (not her real name.) was no exception. I had to sit next to her in one of my classes and honestly I didn’t bother talking to her for the first time few weeks of school, (I just don’t like talking to people in general.).She was the one who initiated our first conversation. I was drawing a meme after I finished my work (can’t remember the name of it, just that it’s a strange looking face (not the troll face lmao.).) and she asked what I was drawing, as she drew a lot, and was really good at it. We both had a very “meme-ey” sense of humour so we clicked at the time, and every time I had that specific lesson I looked forward to talking to her. As we talked more and more, I found out that we had a lot in common! First off we liked the same books, in Harry Potter, the Hunger Games, the Lord of the Rings etc., movies (Star Trek/Wars, MCU etc.), and video games. (Mario Kart and Smash Bros. (although she was a filthy down-b spamming Kirby main, which was probably the worst thing about her.). I added her on every social media I could find, (Twitter, Instagram FaceBook, you name it.). From her posts there I found out some of the other things she enjoyed, which I either I didn’t know if or wasn’t interested in at all whatsoever. These included K-Pop groups (mainly BTS), anime, and British YouTubers. what I also found weird was that she typed with in all lowercase letters, (even when typing I.), and didn’t use punctuation at all except fullstops even though she was a straight A student (more like a lesbian A student lmao) in school. I thought nothing of it, I mean it’s not like I found out something terrible like her being racist or something.Ffw to 8th grade, good old 2016, back when YouTube was good. I only sat next to Sadie in one class, which was different from last year’s class. They were the election days. What a shitshow that was. Anti-Trump and MAGA propaganda was everywhere in our school, so much so that the dining hall split into two unofficial sides (or factions) for which political candidate they supported. I honestly just didn’t want either of them to get into office, as, let’s be honest, they were both idiots, but I went into the Democrat side for two reasons. 1. Obama was doing a good job running our country. 2. Sadie was there, and I didn’t want to ruin our relationship, or whatever it could be considered as.I sat next to her in science class until about Christmas time as our teacher got in a car accident and after that nobody stuck to the regular sitting arrangement.We went to the same high school in 9th grade, and I couldn’t be happier. In those two years she went from super cute to drop-dead gorgeous. I was honestly surprised nobody else liked her. I sat next to her in one of my classes that year and I was stoked. I wasn’t doing too bad myself but I didn’t expect to be set in the same class as her. Sitting arrangements were determined by last name, and we had one letter between ours, so it’s really lucky nobody in our class had that letter at the beginning of theirs. She wasn’t in school one day and I thought nothing of it, but I decided to message her on Twitter to see if she was okay. Our conversation went a little something like this.“Hey, are you okay?” “im fine” “That’s good!” “wait why do you ask” “Well, you weren’t in school today, so I wanted to know what was up.” “oh i had an anxiety attack this morning lmao i felt a little better after school started but my mom was at work so i had to stay home”My dumbass didn’t know what a panic attack was back then, but I knew it wasn’t good. Next time I saw her in school I wanted to ask her about it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to. I would say that simple Twitter DM conversation was the first thing that began to ‘ruin’ (can’t really think of a better word, but it wasn’t that bad.) our relationship in my eyes, as even though it seemed normal, it just felt like something was off to me.Things began to go better during the Summer Vacations. We actually talked pretty regularly then. (it sounds like a long time when I word it like this but it was just a couple of months ago.). It made me happy knowing that she was wasting her free time on me.I’m now 15 years old and in 10th grade. A Sophomore. I still sit next to her in that class, and we talked pretty frequently. Everything was going great. Until one day last week. When I decided to confess to her, that I’d been in love with her for the past three years. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. (It pretty much was.) We were about to exit the classroom. She had a lot of her stuff out as usual, so it took her a long time to pack it away. I usually waited for her so we could talk while walking down the stairs, but this time I offered to help her, and she accepted! We made our way down the stairs as usual, and tallied about the upcoming Smash Bros. game. (Ganondorf mains rise up) The poor girl doesn’t have a Switch, I joked about getting her one. (lmao no shit’s expensive) She said bye as we were about to part ways but before she could get away, I put my hand on her shoulder and said her name, she turned around, her beautiful shoulder-length hair moving in slow motion to me. Her pale skin glowing, and her gorgeous brown eyes staring into my own. “Yes?” she said. I haven’t mentioned it yet, but her voice is beautiful. I could honestly fall asleep to it. I’ve never heard her sing but I don’t thing I deserve to. I remember exactly what I said. Word for word. “For the past three years, you’ve been an amazing friend to me. I still remember when we first talked in 7th grade. Times have changed a lot since then, but one thing has always stayed the same. I love you. I’ve loved you since then. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I could never bring myself to.” She smiled. I couldn’t hell if it was a pity smile, if she was holding back laughter or if it was a friendly one, but regardless, it was beautiful. “I’m so sorry-“ After hearing these three words, I realised the worst had happened. “-but I don’t swing that way. I’m not sure how to say this, even more so to a person that likes me, but I prefer girls.” Her voice went so high near the end it almost sounded like a question. So many things were racing through my mind by that point. I can’t recall everything, but I’ll separate what I do remember into good and bad thoughts.Good: This isn’t the worst case scenario, is it? It’s not she doesn’t like me specifically, she just doesn’t like boys. She obviously felt comfortable enough to tell me. (I don’t think she’s come out to her parents. They’re very homophobic and vocal about it.)Bad: oh god oh fucc How are things going to be now? I don’t want to lose out on my friendship with this amazing girl. I’m never going to love again. She was perfect.Honestly I couldn’t do anything else for the rest of the day. My mind was blank and I wanted to cry but somehow was unusable to.That was Friday last week. The next day, I couldn’t do anything, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t want to. I just stayed in bed the entire day and listened to edgelord music. I’m embarrassed to admit, but Linkin Park and Three Days Grace helped me out at least a little.On Sunday I went on a walk. I was listening to some more edgy music, but this time it was lofi with sad talking before the song. The sun was setting as I looked at the river and I thought “Damn this would look good with a VHS filter and Japanese text over it. Honestly I felt a lot better.Monday rolled around and I was dreading second period. I sat next to her. It wasn’t that bad. It did hurt a little looking at her, knowing she would never love me the way I love her, but I managed to not cry in front of her! Whoo! When we talked, she seemed fine, but I could tell there was something wrong with her. Was it me? Was I making her uncomfortable? Should I have never told her?That’s why I’m posting here. Our past few conversations have been a lot different that what they used to, and I need advice. To anyone who has read this far, what do I do? Girls/Lesbians, did I do the right thing? If you were in her position, what would you think? How can I fix our friendship?Any answers are welcome. Thank you so much for reading this far!!! via /r/teenagers https://ift.tt/2Q4dOMG

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