I have been stuck on the toilet in a public restroom for the past 2 days and don't have much time, please help Reddit.

Hi Reddit, as the title says I am stuck on the toilet in a public restroom. I don't know how much longer I have, But I trust you all to help me.Background: 2 days ago I had to go get a large some of money from the bank to get some "things". Anyway on the way I saw the local McDonalds. Being the average American I couldn't resist and I ordered 5 Medium Big Mac meals (I'm on a diet). After I ate the food in a record 10 minutes, I was off to the bank.After 7 more minute of driving, I finally reached the bank. I got out of my car and waddled inside and saw a HUGE ass line, like bigger than my waistline. After waiting 20 minutes in this line an urge hit me. I HAD to take a shit, right there and right then. I ran at a whopping 2 miles per hour ALL the way across the room to the restroom. I personally believe it was discrimination towards me as they didn't have to put the restrooms 20 feet across the room. After finally reaching the restroom I went into the farthest stall and shut it.Some more background, A year ago my bank added sound proof stalls. This was because some man was mad that he could hear others relieving themselves of their meals of that day. The bank at first didn't want to, but the man tried to take them to court do they had to do it. People started making glory holes so they had to make the stalls more reinforced.Anyway, after relieving myself of the Big Macs, I went to grab the toilet paper. I couldn't believe it, there was none. After a slight panic attack, I realised that I could go to the next stall over for some toilet paper.As soon as I tried to get up my heart stopped. I was stuck.I tried as hard as I could to move my fat american ass of the toilet seat but it was no use. I tried screaming for anyone, anybody, to help me, it was no use.I sat there crying, but then I realised I had my phone. I tried calling, but to my complete and utter horror, there was no reception. Then I realised I could use the public wifi and try to tell people online, but The wifi wasn't there, I was confused until I saw the time: 7pm. they turned off the wifi an hour ago as they closed an hour ago. Mortified at my current position, I thought I could just wait till tomorrow morning. But then I remembered something, it was Saturday and banks aren't open on Sundays.Over the rest of the night and next day, I sat there wondering how my life will turn out. And fapped (of course) to some hentai, which is animated porn by the japanese by the way.This morning I woke up early, to my shock and amazement, the wifi was on meaning the security people must be here early. I am hungry and thirsty, and don't know how much longer I have before I die.If I do end up dying I leave a final letter to my body pillow.It has been long ride me and you, both of us living and loving each other. I remember when I first had my eyes on you, I just knew we were a match. I remember the times we would watch anime together and make out. I never meant to buy another one, she wasn't a replacement, you are the only one I truly have loved.Please Reddit this isn't a joke, I really want to go home to my waifu for christmas, she is probably worried about me, Please do your Reddit magic and save me as you have done for others.Ps. Bring toilet paper please[OC] via /r/copypasta https://ift.tt/2RO8IBc

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