I suck at everything. No amount of energy drinks will never make me un-tired


Firstly I don't want to post this on offmychest or suicidewatch as I don't like those 2 subreddits. So I just turned 17 this past Sunday on the 16th and I don't feel anything different. Lately I've been trying to open up and be a little more social than being my typical silent self. I'm just a normal dude, not overweight but not strong and not handsome at all. But I'm fucking done...I studied FOR 5 FUCKING HOURS FOR MY SPANISH AND PRE-CALC MIDTERM JUST TO GET STRUCK BY FUCKING AMNESIA. It's just like why, no matter how many times a practice/study I fail. I fail I fail I fail till the point that I get so fucking depressed that I dream about my funeral. I don't care about the school grades...fuck it I have no future anyway. I'm not like my two younger brothers who outshine me in every way. Hell one of them is a little chubby but he is great at keeping an exercise routine unlike me. And I'm also getting tired of trying to interact with people. I try to act like a cool laid back dude but I always come out bashing my head on my steering wheel cringing over what I said. Everyone talks about their dream jobs and college yet I STILL DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO. I want to join law enforcement but I don't know what degree to get or what college. Hell I don't like any of the Texas (home state) colleges here. And yet even my friends pass me up. Even my best friend, who's been with me since kindergarten, is more smarter, popular, and athletic than me. Even in video games which is like the only thing I'm kinda good at. Try playing Blackout on Bo4 but it's like I need him to carry me. Tried playing Smash Ultimate online and I've already failed 5 times in a row after studying countless videos on how to play Snake. I pour hours into fighting and online FPS games yet I still lose every fucking round. After all this I just lay down in my bed and wonder of my existence. I have no talent. I have no charm. I have no redeeming qualities. I'm just nothing...a walking shadow.I'm sorry if this is long but I needed to express my thoughts. I want to kill myself, but I won't. I think I should but I'd rather go watch YouTube or spend the rest of the night jacking off to hentai. I just need another energy drink...that's all. via /r/Vent http://bit.ly/2LyiYva

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