NoFap and Bisexuality

I would like to talk a bit about my experience. I am 24 years old mostly (90%) straight guy. I tried nofap many times and the most I went was approximately 40 days. In general I am attracted to women. Since I was 13 years old I have started checking their body parts especially ass and boobs till now :)) If I see hot girl, I feel an urge to have sex with her ASAP. At the same time I started to watch porn actively since I was 14-15 years old. There was times that in one day I maybe jerked off 10-12 times. But on average I was jerking off at least once a day till now. Of course, during the years of watching porn I couldn’t watch only straight sex. I watched almost any genres of porn including straight, lesbian, ts, gay, bestiality, hentai and so on. Sometimes I watched porn 6-7 hours in a day as I had a lot of free time at home alone. Since I was 20 years old, I thought about doing sex with the same gender. Apart from that, I had some sexual experiences with prostitutes, normal girls, once with ts. Also I had normal relationship with my girlfriend when I was 19 years old. We had regular sex with her almost everyday for 6 months. I know that, I am writing quiet unorganized text but if you can understand it I would be happy to hear your responses. And sorry for my non native English skills. I shared informations above with you in order to give you some idea about my situation. And now I will focus mostly on bisexuality. My first bisexual feeling starts from when I was 15 years old. I remember, for some days I was feeling sexual attraction to my classmate. But it was more like as I saw him more beautiful than girls. And I was thinking about having sex with him in dominant position. But it just stayed as thoughts and after one or two months it went away from my mind. The next was when I was 16 years old. At this time, I felt sexual attraction to another newly joined classmate. He was smaller than me and facially very beautiful boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. In my country usually people have dark brown or black hair and dark brown or black eyes. That’s why again he seemed to me as attractive as girls. I was jerking off some times while dreaming about kissing and penetrating him. It also stayed as thought and disappeared after approximately 3 months. I think, it is important to mention that, during this period, it wasn’t the only sexual fantasies which I had. As I mentioned in the beginning, mostly I was thinking about other girls and having sex with them parallel to these thoughts. But these things were exceptions and the reason which I started to write this. My bisexual ideas didn’t end here. Another important thing is that during that time I have never watched to ts, or gay porn. I saw only gay seen from “Alexander Macedonian” movie. After break up with my girlfriend, when I was 20 years old. I again started to watch porn on daily basis. And then started to watch more of ts, gay, hentai porns. And one day, decided to try having sex with the same gender. I found gay applications and found a person there who was 25-30 years older than me. I don’t know why but it was more appealing for me to have sex with older person in my gender. Probably, it was because of porn videos I have watched and scenes I felt very excited about. Obviously, I was bottom during sex with him. The thing is that, I felt very guilty after having sex with the same gender. In pleasure terms, I liked it as I like straight sex. But feeling of guilt and some depression was overwhelming. And after having sex with him, I didn’t feel an urge to watch gay or ts porn for 1-2 months. Another important thing to mention, any men don’t seem attractive to me in normal conditions, for example when I travel in the city or just walking on the street. I have an urge to have sex with same sex only after watching at least 1 hour of gay porn. I think it is enough for making general overview about my situation. Now I am 24 years old and have normal relationship with a woman. However, once in every two months without watching porn, I start to feel an urge to have sex with same sex and at least 25 years older than me. I don’t feel any attraction to someone who is same gender with me and I normally see in everyday life. It is just an attraction to imaginary “old top daddy” which I have seen many times during gay porn. If I masturbate daily, I don’t have these urges but if I do Nofap, in the 3rd day I start to feel this urge again. Generally, once in every 3-4 months I feel an urge to have sex with same gender but normal men who I see everyday outside seems disgusting to me in terms of sexuality. Especially if someone is not grandpa. I am confused about my situation and you are welcome if you have any comments! via /r/NoFap

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