Boyfriend has lost my trust by hiding things from me and lying about it. How do I mend our problems and trust him again?


Sorry, this is going to be lengthyMy (20f) boyfriend (21m) has lost my trust in a big way and I need help working through this. (we have been together for three years and I love him dearly )About a year ago I found that he was following porn stars and sex models on Instagram - liking and commenting on their posts. I brought it up to him and explained how I felt. I was not mad that he was looking at other women. However, the fact that he went out of his way and took time to follow these females accounts for sexual arousal bothered me. He unfollowed them. Said he understood and was sorry that I was hurt by it.We moved on past that and I had trusted that the issue was gone. I tried to work with him on related issues and even told him that I didn’t care if he pointed out attractive people in public because physical attractiveness is normal to notice and I too noticed women that were pleasing to the eye.Many times I have felt that there was something between us. I asked why he was so protective of his phone. Why he would leave the room when we were together for an hour at a time to do miscellaneous things. He swore there was nothing to it.I asked him specifically if he was giving his attention to some other means because I was being neglected -both mentally and physically- for a very long time. He swore he had just been busy. And deemed me to be acting crazy when I proposed other explanations.Recently, I found out- NOT by him coming clean or asking for my help- that he had not only still been looking at these things but that he had opened a separate Instagram to feed it. And did so not long after we had first discussed it and he told me he was sorry, that these girls meant nothing and that he had stopped. He had separate files in his phone for saved photos of porn stars and hentai etc. He had even started running a tumblr to post the girls he found most appealing.He not only continued something that I shared with him my dislike for. But he hid it from me. He created a whole life of it behind my back and lied time and time again to my face.In addition, he has been very hypocritical about it. He talks badly of girls who dress provocatively in public and calls them sluts. He talks poorly of my friends who post pictures that are provocative and doesn’t want me hanging out with them. He also gets angry when I wear tight pants or crop tops among other things. Yet he has a whole world of pornographic photos that he feeds on and that he hides from me...Our relationship has been struggling, in my mind, for a long time. I put in a lot of effort to please him all the time. I love giving head and do it practically every time I see him. I send him nudes and videos of myself to keep him occupied when he is sexually aroused. I tried anal for him and swear to try all of his sexual fantasies. But I still struggle to keep his attention. This has grown to make me very insecure about myself.I have recently masturbated in bed with him and he simply rolled over and went to sleep next to me while I did it all on my own.I don’t know how much of our problems have come from this and I don’t know how to trust him after all the lies.Every time I have brought up that we have problems he brushes it off like I’m being dramatic. But I am not happy in our relationship.I have lost my trust for him and am scared of what else he has lied about. He says breaking up with him over this is extreme.He swears it was all a mistake and he has stopped now. But I can’t help but not believe him.Please help. I want to make this work between us.tl;dr My boyfriend has been hiding a pornography addiction from me for about a year now and lied to my face about it. He knows I find porn and pornographic photos to be distasteful and promised he had stoped looking at them. But he didn’t. He created a whole separate social media outlet to feed it and to hide it from me. Our relationship problems have led to me losing all my trust in him and made me very insecure about myself. How can I make this work between us again? via /r/relationship_advice http://bit.ly/2Rrpyc8

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